An open letter to my best friend

Dear C,
I have to thank and hate you. Thank you for trying. Trying to help. It pains me to inform you it didn't work. I have to hate you for moving on which of course is hypocritical because I did the same but why did I have to meet my replacements? I know we made promises and I know I was the first to break them.

I'm sorry. Truly.

I was a dangerous girl when we knew each other and I was starting to infect you with my poison. That was the last thing I wanted to do so I had to leave for your safety. I'm not dangerous anymore but I'm afraid if we get close again I will be.

We don't know each other anymore. I am your past and I am not included in your future. I know I'm a heartless, cruel, disgusting, and rude person but I wanted to help. I didn't know how so I thought leaving might help you heal. I never should have agreed to go to your dance recital. I know we smiled but it did more damage than either of us thought it could have.

You tried to heal a girl who refused to get better. You knew it was pointless so why? Why didn't you give up? Why didn't you leave? You put yourself in pain to try and help me and I didn't care enough to realize who I was hurting.

I hope you found stable friends that know how to heal instead of hurt. I hope they bring joy when I would bring you nothing but pain. You deserve so much that I could never give you.

I'm sorry. Truly.

Sincerely,
SM