Forgetting
I hope you don't mind that I've forgotten your name. I hope it brings you comfort that I can never forget how I cried in an attempt to remember. I'm sorry but it was just too painful to keep going on with that life.
The first time I went to therapy when I was seven I wanted to be like my brother. When I went back when I was 10 I just didn't want to die. I still remember how it happened. I was at a store, in the dressing room, first short sleeve shirt in months, my mother saw my scars so she raced us home and forced me to show them to my entire family while telling me they were there to help. They never were though. All that day taught me was to hide my scars more carefully.
Do you know what broke my heart the most? I believed they actually cared for a little while but when I tried to ask for help I was shamed into silence, ridiculed for being so weak. I tried to forget them too but their words clung to my memory. It is easy to remember the pain but hard to recall ever feeling at peace.
The first time I went to therapy when I was seven I wanted to be like my brother. When I went back when I was 10 I just didn't want to die. I still remember how it happened. I was at a store, in the dressing room, first short sleeve shirt in months, my mother saw my scars so she raced us home and forced me to show them to my entire family while telling me they were there to help. They never were though. All that day taught me was to hide my scars more carefully.
Do you know what broke my heart the most? I believed they actually cared for a little while but when I tried to ask for help I was shamed into silence, ridiculed for being so weak. I tried to forget them too but their words clung to my memory. It is easy to remember the pain but hard to recall ever feeling at peace.
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