School

Teachers talk about caring but they let me sit in self-pity and tear myself apart. My ELA teacher just asked for the fourth time in three days if I was ok. I muttered a yes but I meant to scream no. She told me I'm not being my normal talkative self and she wants to make sure all her kids are fine. She always tells us that we can tell her if we are having a bad day but I'm too afraid of her getting suspicious on the 46th day in a row saying it's just a bad day when I can't even convince myself anymore. So I tell her I'm fine.

It felt like they could somehow see the scars I had so carefully hidden the morning before. It felt like they could see every mistake I've ever made. Sometimes I wake up and I still think the scars on my arm are there. Sometimes if I close my eyes for too long and open them I see my old scars for a split second before they vanish. Sometimes I think they can notice the panic in my eyes. Did they also notice my hands shaking during my class presentations? Did they notice that I avoid eye contact? Did they notice how I subconsciously hug myself in the middle of class? Did they notice everytime I tried to cave in on myself in an attempt to disappear? Is that why they keep asking if I'm ok?