Leftover hurt

Angry minds speak honest thoughts. Words hurt, and here I am taking a hundred punches. No one is bothering to help me heal. Forgive and forget has never come easy for me. Everyone just expects me to shove all this hurt to the side and be fine. I will never be able to do that. Words sharper than knives were thrown at me and the wounds were never given time to heal.

I am afraid. Of losing everyone. Of messing up everything I've worked for. But I am not afraid of anybody. 

I'm never around. I'm sorry that I hold no obligation to respond every time. I cried too, by the way. The day after, I went home and sobbed. Even writing this now I have tears in my eyes. Except I never got an apology. I took responsibility, why can't they?

I hate the way they laughed it off. I hate that I laughed along. I've seen this before. I've been through this before but it has never been this bad. There are too many memories that come with this. Too much pain that I haven't touched in months.

Earlier I planned on talking about how left out I had been feeling but now it just seems insensitive. But then again everyone right now seems insensitive. They didn't care to listen. They didn't care for the truth. They had a story and they held onto it with all their might. Didn't care that it was hurting them and the people around them. They continued to believe it.

I'm having dark thoughts again. All because of one stupid fight. I started thinking about not waking up. I never wanted this to happen. But at least now I know exactly who this person is. I don't want this to be over. But I want to leave. I don't want us to be over. But I can't look past this. I can't look them in the eyes.

So here I am trying to talk myself off of the edge and I thought I had them. I thought they would always understand. But they don't. I'm alone. I thought I could tell them everything. But the truth is I can't tell them anything.