Small blurbs of the nonsense in my head

I want to talk about it but I don't know how. I want to get better but I don't know how.

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I couldn't listen to my favorite song about letting go without hearing I'm sorry in every beat

I couldn't listen to a love song without hearing your name in the melody

I couldn't pretend to forget you without the last words you said to me spilling from my mouth

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She told me she missed me and I wanted to scream that she never even knew me

I wanted to tell my father to turn the car around and drive as far from here as we can get

I wanted to run until I didn't remember her name

I took the safe road and told her I missed her too

Because as much as I want to run I don't want our conversation to end

I know I will never talk to her again

She doesn't respond

I took too long to reply 

It is all over now

Forever

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And there we were 

Two little fading girls giving each other small tips and tricks on how to disappear

For a second I almost felt normal

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It is days like these that I truly realize that I am smaller than the sky 

It feels like hands are choking me

I'm pretty sure they are my own

My hands feel haunted

There are bloody fingerprints on my visible bones

I hear gunshots from the graveyard

I'm not afraid 

Not anymore

I am reminded that it is hunting season

And I am prey

Yet I am not as afraid of the gunshots as I am of my heartbeat

One of them reminds me I am alive while the other reminds me I don't want to be

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I need to stop breaking peoples heart over text.